Enriching my Odyssey

Sometimes I don’t need big reasons to shed tears, just a little pinch and I am unstoppable. As far as I remember myself, it has always been that way, I could be hurt with a single word (not even a complete sentence). As a kid I was always told that I was morose and I believed it to be true until recently when I discovered ‘you are what you think you are’ and I replaced ‘being morose’ with ‘being sensitive’. I am not sure how many would get it, there are some people with whom we get really comfortable, to the extent that the child in us could dare to reveal itself! What if those people didn’t react to our childlike mannerism and instead termed it childish. It would be like thrashing that child mentally; which would eventually suppress his craving for being cosseted. Probably it was always suppressed, even when this person was actually a child and so he always felt being love deprived no matter how good several other things were.  So the probable solution is to train the mind t...

Today evening, while waiting for my order at the café in office, I realised that I hadn’t turned on the internet on my phone all day. I decided to continue with it and for a change tried to feel what it is to be in the moment completely. Here, to watch the simple process of peeling off and cutting fruits, to be thankful to be able to eat unaware of the pocket but just calories (though it is more difficult for me). ‘In the present’ or ‘in the now’ …a feeling I had been missing since years for either I have been a slave to my past or anxious about the future. A lot of life slips us when we are not where we are but when we are aware everything is a moment worth living for! This sense of awareness dawned onto me as I have health issues that I have been dragging for a year and that can’t be ignored any further. Since a week, I started chewing my food and what a delight it was or better than delight I could term it as wondrous! I missed almost half of my life without relishing each a...

I hope the world (at least mine) is liberated from the mental blocks that I grew up with and those that my family still believes in, From, ‘The caste based rules’, Which slayed a lot of love! ‘The uselessness of being good,’ When it stops making people happy! ‘Chasing perfection to impress’, When the connoisseurs aren’t there! ‘The life time commitments’, That cannot withstand the test of time ! ‘The suffocation of diffidence’, That drains strength from the wings to fly! ‘The pointless conversations’, That lead/demand justifications! ‘The sensitivity that gets offended’, It restrains the exuberance of the child inside! The belief that, ‘Lost was better’, It stops the best from coming into life. ‘Being a girl’, perception, It is a boundary that doesn’t safeguard anymore! ‘The resistance to change’, Which didn’t let many a caterpillars know, they could fly! 'The concept of being limited', That doesn't ...

As I always say discovering yourself is the most interesting and exciting thing in the world. After all, we feel everything inside us and when we know what can sparkle us we can try to find it :) ! There is a saying 'Love heals', it definitely does. But, every healer has a recommended dose and unless you are given as much as you need, nothing helps!  Recently, I had a brief encounter with an old acquaintance and it somehow clarified (and reminded), how much dose could put me back together..   The little gestures that could carry me away... That unspoken agreement where you don't need to say everything ! That warmth which comes from being safeguarded. The comfort that is created after being vulnerable and yet not being judged.  That extraordinary care where little 'extra' makes the big difference. And not to forget the intelligence , none can deny its charm and the respect it breeds!  The best part of this experience was, it was devoid of any sweet words! Im...

It’s been really long since I posted anything. Ya posted not wrote as I write almost always when I am flurried but writing something positive needs a deliberate frame of mind and I had decided to start this year with a positive note. It snapped onto me why not thank a friend from whom I learned a lot of things,  so what if mostly over squabbles ;). We parted our ways because we were never on the same page at the same time… I wanted to write so that every time I remember a wound I could heal it up with a good memoir. The first realization I had was that when we trust someone we never feel bad at whatever they say... Even their jokes, their taunts (People who don't get the sarcasm call it), we take everything in a positive stride because we know they care… they’ll be there … I felt how trust is the beautiful bedrock of any relationship and strengthens it… L1: When you trust there should be no space for doubt! Second confrontation just took me aback !! Why ? Till lo...

Once while on their usual commute in the local train, she asked, "I often wonder why almost everyone starts staring at me as soon as I enter the compartment. I know I ain’t that beautiful"! And he replied, "when a cute kid comes around, don’t you feel like gazing upon him , googli woosh his cheeks, even talk and play with him if allowed ? …........ you are like that kid"!

                                                I had heard that girls are delicate in their teens for they are undergoing physical changes and they need to be handled with care… I am sure I must have felt it too in my teens but then I was too naïve to name so many feelings.... Lately, I think post 25 (near 30 is so heart-breaking even to call) they are even more delicate … There are millions of reasons like if they haven’t found their mates forget soul mates. They also undergo hormonal changes and the fairy tales ending have stretched just too far and doesn’t seem coming true. The charm starts loosening up & is definitely less in comparison to fresh faces from college in their early twenties. The fear of not finding the fellow who coul...

Many times we come across situations where people blame each other….         You spoilt everything.           You didn’t take enough care of me.         You are wrong Or It’s your mistake.          This is not how you should be handling the situation.          You didn’t give me back the way I gave you.          Etc… Well such conversations would obviously take place among people who are or were bound by some sort of love and expectations or otherwise who cares about the uncos. What I wonder is how can one person be consistently wrong and be held responsible unless he really wants to mess the situation OR is incapable of understanding his inaccuracy. In latter case he shouldn't be blamed, it’s not his fault, trust me. I have met a bunch of people who are really incapable of understanding many things, forget their own mista...

Don’t know what’s inside, Getting too hard to hold, Eyes tried to control the tears, (But they found their way ) It appeared I caught cold ! :P Life seems so obscure, Hope it unwinds easy! May there be truth, Yet all the sores cure! Broken is good, stuck is bad, Enough of hope/faith convictions! No more unfinished stories, That couldn't be written or said!

So sweetheart rain came again And like always, it brought along, Some hopes, some fun, some memories, Of love, laughter and everything heart can contain! After an endless monotony I felt something new Indomitable spirit of “living in the moment” Still wishing it last a little longer than 'now'...  Discovering self and loving the findings... Crew isn't my cup, I am happy with the few! Like the soothing drizzle, New friendships trying to make their mark! Some budding with innocence, Some fading in new horizons! Finding peace by ‘it won't matter soon’ attitude And trying  not   to solve the puzzle!

Above all we all want to be loved, Nothing can console , nothing can pacify, Illogical reasonings of the world Shatter my dreams & make me cry!! I want to break free these walls, They suffocate me to hell, Freedom is what I breath, How can I let my breath fall !! I have a happy life but my faith is shaking, They say 'Time heals' but where is it taking? Immense soul searching and yet clueless! 'Why not' 'where else' 'then when'  ..all answerless............. Don't laugh,,, I am serious!!

Last week my mind got so full, as few things turned upside down, little criticism slammed and misunderstandings snowed :(. And here I was with a new set of realizations: All the relationships have to be worked out. No matter how good things are in the beginning, over the time some discordance creeps in and has to be settled; that's how everything grows strong or every strong thing grows :) . Watch people you  surround  yourself with, sooner or later you get a part of them. Even if 'they have lots of knowledge/wisdom' or 'how much you trust them', don't get carried away.  Be what you are! Don’t be overly nice with people you want to keep forever for a ‘sense of belonging’ or ‘he/she might feel bad’ or ‘what would they think about me’.   Keep the secrets. Everyone has their own best friend to share it with :& ;). Criticism & Sarcasm are to make you feel more alive; you still exist, see!!! .  Understand what is to be taken care of but...

Once or more all of us come across situations in life when some friend of ours ends up disappointing us by judging us the way we find hard to accept. Because either we know or we think that ‘this is how I shall be perceived’ or ‘I am not who you are telling me I am’. I am attempting this post to share my experiences of how I think some situations should be handled and whosoever read this please let me know the other better or alternate ways. Whenever you judge a person next time, esp. if it’s a negative opinion try to tell them beforehand instead of waiting for them to make the same mistake again and then feeling victorious over your conclusions, ‘You are like that coz you did it again’. It might satisfy your self esteem for the moment but would not be healthy for the relationship. Of course you too are nice and are trying to save yourself and that’s why you didn't unleash your resentment the first time you started filling your cup! So what if instead of c...

As far as I remember myself, I always have had love for words (since 7 th standard) and in my initial stages of blogging ‘ Words said/unsaid ’ too was motivated by it... I believe words are magical… of course they are ... for doesn't it strike the chords of your heart when someone* summons you by… their ‘swthrt’ or ‘honey’ or ‘baby’or ‘bachcha’ or ‘beta’or ‘sweety pie’ or ‘shweetie’ or ‘shona/shonu’ or ‘dearie’ or ‘princess’and many more.. or the first ‘I Love You’ … indulging isn't it? When you mean it … they help you say it… but when you don’ they need to be chosen wisely… shouldn't they… at least I and the people whom I closely connect to feel so... we don’t even say ‘dear’ when we don’t really mean it ... but how many people indeed think before saying …well I am not finding faults with them … they are groomed differently… that’s it… After socializing enough since last 6 months, I think with the changing times, one needs to adapt to the new forms of greeting… ...

Life has changed or may be I have .. Nothing really delights me.. Its just going on.. As ppl say .. 'Life doesn't wait for anyone'.. Heights are cold & lonely, I had heard & felt too! Depths are enjoyable, with other lone divers! And the land, it's the same, sooooo normal!  Desire to fly got over, At least for the time being... Till I find wings or get gifted, for hopes don't die, That's how dreamers live!

Some days I can’t accept the facts,  It turns my nights sleepless! My stomach churns with despair, & brain helpless of remorse! Don’t know what he really wished for, Coz I prayed for his wishes to come true! Now he is happy& I m a deadpan! Tasting the medicine I made inadvertently, And I wonder will this kill me or Will life give one more chance to make amends! So many new lessons for life, First, there are no GODS here! And if you chose to be one, It’s your battle alone! Second, on similar lines, Eventually everyone think of themselves, Selflessness is an illusion, And so are the promises of a broken/happy heart! Some fool others, I chose to fool myself! May be this is a hill out of mole(for some), But I m on the side with no road sign, & I have to climb this hill to move to the other side! To find the road to peace & life!

In a post before I quoted that ‘ my encounter with love was the most beautiful one ’ …. ya exactly it was … like a beautiful dream … a dream that lasted lil too long that I couldn’t wake up … coz I didn’t want to … I wanted to leave things on time … and time broke it … it played an alarm … whose clock I don’t have …  it’s ringing & is maddening me coz I want to complete my dream.. the groundless forevers that I believed in … but those invisible bonds I kept so close, disappeared … probably they never were … I hope the alarm wakes me up soon..!! I am a dreamer and dreamers have tough time living the real life… blessed are those who see things as they are and not as they want them to be… Another analogy to the situation I felt while walking towards the sea this time… When you want to reach deep waters you can’t run towards it, you walk slowly making your way through the sand, going deep into it with every step you take further & then when you are drowned in ...

Let go, the memories of shared laugher & pain! Let go, the music which expressed your feelings! Let go, the breaths which snuggled you to life! Let go, the chatter the never ending delight! Let go, the love It is done with hope! Let go, the castles Whose foundations couldn’t be laid! Let go, the precept Sowed would be reaped! Let go, the fears It’s an ephemeral world anyways! Let go, those friendships Which are acquaintances now! Let go, the grudges You have outlived them! Let go, the desires Which have been conquered!! Let go, the sick ones Who are reluctant to cures ! Let go is the key, It lets me be, It sets me free, & leads me to Thee! Mind you: It  isn't e a sy  ! !

OMG  ..this is the limit… you know what happened … ! A flat mate of mine has been famous for pilfering things since the beginning and I was warned by girls before to take care of my belongings as I have this habit of ‘keep & forget’ and then later on bang my head for ‘where did I saw it last ’ :( … When I had entered this house, I had lined up the things to where they belong... of course you would keep handwash & toothpaste near the basin or bodywash in the bathroom … and dishwash in the kitchen ... and the girls mocked... ‘She is new, let her learn where to keep what’ ... I thought they were insane until one fine day, couple of washing soaps just disappeared and I wondered I can’t be that forgetful...  and how foolishly I had been ignoring that all the ‘washes’ were depleting at a very rapid rate..   Another day I caught her red handed filling her jar with the salt packet I had kept in the kitchen ... I was shocked not just for her act but ‘SALT’...

So what is my idea of a perfect day?   There are many and as I read somewhere, ‘You can have it all not all at once’... the gleeful moments of the day that made this one content are here  J   .. Well, little things can turn me on**  J  and these days, rains are enough to drive me crazy for nothing … To add to it, chatter with close buddies on not so worldly topics like ‘music’, ‘which books to buy next’, ‘photography’, ‘our demarcation of mediocre and excellent’ etc.. is such a delight..The M.Phil. going parallel is another satisfaction... Then the pleasure of riding 17 kms on almost potholes free roads amidst the soo romantic drizzles with Bryan Adams playing exclusively in your ears.. ‘little love’ , ‘have you ever really loved a women’ followed by Sheryl crows’ ‘soak up the sun’ .. as if everyone is pepping me up ;) ..OMG what more can I expect :D..   Okay now comes the philanthropic activity of the day ... the phone recharge for a lady...